August 5, 2013- On Course Of Course

 It occurred to me that I am excelling in my college studies because I am focused. I have a strategy to create success. And I recently got this book to make sure I can continue on this path. So the title of the book says

"On Course" Strategies for Creating Successes in College and in Life

WHAT??? IN LIFE TOO???

You mean I can apply these skills I have already been practicing to something other than a 4.0 in college?

I see wrinkles appearing on my forehead as I type... well duh Kathy...

So if I want to succeed in my weight loss, in my marriage, in my friendships, in my finances, in whatever all I have to do is practice what I am already doing.

Perhaps the reason I do good for a few days, sometime a few hours, and then fall into a bad choice or habit is because I am not completely committed to these other missions. The question is why?

I hated being Morbidly Obese. I like being able to move, drive, walk, box, sleep in a bed, tie a shoe etc. Why would I pave a way to return to that miserable life?

Maybe I do not feel I am worth it? That's a cop out, you think? I can hear people already saying... YES you are, you are a good person, you do good things, you are an inspiration, you have overcome so much, you are LOVED by many, if not all.

Now I want to scream SHUT UP... you don't know me. You don't know the things from my past. Things I can't seem to find forgiveness for. Most of the time I don't remember them, but when they creep in, sneak in, disguise themselves in other things, that's when I turn to food, to laziness, to why bother.

Don't fret, I won't quit. I am not allowed to quit. I slip, I slide, I fall... but I keep getting up. I have appearances to keep, right? People are watching me, waiting for me to fail. Just like they did when I got married. I was told, well it won't last a year. Then it won't last 2 years. Well next month it will be 33 years. Am I happy? Not really. Will I leave? Probably not. Because those same people waiting for me to regain all my weight are the same ones who said our marriage wouldn't last. Take that!!!!

Anyway this was my revelation on Day 5- Damn It Kathy - give this situation as much attention and dedication as you give college!!! Get on course in your life too. So I am going to maintain a 4.0 GPA and I am going to get a 4.0 in life too. Why not? I can do this. I CAN DO THIS.

Day 5-